From Singleton to Single Mom

In 2006 my world was turned upside down and a whole new chapter begun. I was not feeling good for many weeks and finally went in to see a doctor. I was convinced I had acid reflux brought on by the stress I had  going on in my life. I checked into local hospital around 5pm. But it was a terribly busy night I wasn’t  able to see anyone until 9pm than I was told to not eat or drink which was making the wait unbearable. I finally went in and they were bringing up drinking and said definitely don’t  drink. I asked if that was something that cause my acid reflux if I needed to stop in general. Then someone blurted out well your pregnant  so no alcohol. I was baffled I had been at the hospital for hours and no one bothered to tell me that my blood test showed I was pregnant. They later apologized and asked me to drink fluids and wondered why I had been told to fast all this time which was the opposite of what I needed. I was so overwhelmed, At this point in my life I had just broken up with the guy I was seeing about 5 weeks earlier and he moved out-of-state for spring training. I was not married I wasn’t a child I was nearly 30. But this was a shock I had even taken pregnancy tests many weeks before and they showed I was not pregnant. I was prepared to love my child  and figure things out. I was actually already 8 weeks along at this point when I first found out. I was living  with a friend of mine who was definitely enjoying the single life. My parents were not at all happy or supportive of the news. I mean they are traditional and me being un married and not even with the father at all was not what they wanted for their  daughter. They in that moment were ashamed of me and very cold. I also had to figure out when I should call the father we had not even spoken in over a month. We ended things on excellent terms but it’s not  a call you want to have to make. I decided to bite the bullet make the call and he was also very cold and un excited. I let him know I was already 8 weeks a long so I would without a doubt be keeping this baby. But If was not wanting to be a father  I would not expect anything from him. I just wanted him to make a decision about how involved or un involved he would be before our baby arrived. I felt very alone in this time, My parents asked me to move home which I did since I was planning to move into an apartment anyways I figured I could use the time to save money for a nicer place. I did not realize  that when I moved in my father would literally be cold and silent and not say one word to me for 3 months straight. My mother was kinder but you could tell I was a disappointment to them. I just focused on working  hard and loving my unborn child. I had so many people utterly shocked by the news of me pregnant. I had always been the most responsible good girl type that people just did not know what to think. I was on birth control when I got pregnant. I had been taking birth control since I was 17 the only difference is I was no longer on the pill I had started using the birth control patches 6 months before I got the news I was pregnant. By the time I was six months along I couldn’t  handle living at my parents home anymore. I was ready to have my own place took the money I saved got myself in a 2 bedroom apartment very close to work. I started nesting I was excited no matter how un perfect my situation for. I was blessed with a baby growing inside me which I feel is the greatest gift. I was very sick during my pregnancy I had basically 24 hour morning sickness. I was unable to sleep well and had the worst heartburn ever. I was doing my best to keep in contact with the father he was never kind he made things harder on me. I felt awful going around town pregnant and even though  I was nearly 30 I looked way younger so people were so judgmental I got looks everywhere I went. I got questions from strangers about where is the father etc. It makes you feel awful to have people be so insensitive  I mean here I was in a very imperfect situation being an adult being strong and doing the best I could. But people always want to draw on the negative. I went to my ultra sounds on my own it would have been great to have someone there with me to be excited with me and for me. But it was just me. I will say the nurse that was doing my ultra sounds was great she was happy for me and spent time to indeed find out the sex of my baby. It was a boy I was over the moon excited. I started decorating  my sons room and getting scrapbooks and the main necessary items that I needed most. My mother did end up throwing me a baby shower and that brought me a lot of joy and it was nice to see family and friends smiling and happy for me. My doctor was a real jerk he was very judgmental and he did not do thorough exams or listen when I had concerns. I was brought to the hospital with labor pains and contractions and when the hospital called my doctor after telling me I would be delivering that night. I was informed he was sending me home and then he made me come in every week for 5 more weeks before I could  have my C – Section. My son was born October 21, 2006. He was such a big baby 10 pounds and 26 inches long. I am pretty sure he should have been delivered  end of September or first week of October. He was absolutely perfect and he was doing great from the start. I on the other hand was suffering from Toxemia  and I was taken to ICU where I spent five days with my vitals out of control even reaching hypothermic temperatures. I was not allowed to eat or drink just have occasional ice chips. My son was not allowed in the ICU so I was unable to breast feed they were bottle feeding him. My father pulled strings and had them  bring my son to me in ICU at one point as they were so scared for my life and knew I needed a reason to fight. The doctors thought they might lose me and were going to have me sign papers to name my parents as guardians over my son in event of my death. I thankfully pulled through I had the most wonderful specialist who was brought in to care for me. Dr. Ralph Steiger. I finally was able to go up to the room my son was in and spend my last 3 days at the hospital with him. The father came by un announced with a much older woman his sugar momma and interrupted what was my first meal in 6 days. I was sick having him there and having him be so rude and cold. He looked our son up and down but did not even hold him. Days later when we were  home and adjusting he called. He did not want any part and that was fine by me. I asked him to contact my parents  attorney to have him sign away his rights to our child and promised I would never ask him for anything and he could go on his merry way. He never contacted them he fled town and has never lived here since. My son and I have a special relationship that being together just the two of us for so long has forged a deep un breakable bond. I have always told him about the man who helped me bring him into this world. I went from a world of freedoms to a world of responsibility. I fell in love with mom life. I just had a long time feeling of guilt wishing my son had a father who loved him and a mother who was married. I felt ashamed still. I never should have felt that way but I would see my perfect innocent son and  even as he grew old enough for school I would  see and feel the judgments of others. When he was two I did start dating again and I nearly gave up on finding love. Most men saw me being a true single mother as baggage. I would go on dates and since divorce is so normal they would assume I was divorced and ask which days I was without my son. I would let them know there was no one else in the picture I had 100% custody and they would immediately run for the hills. Or they would pretend to care and like my son and my being a full-time attentive mother. But then true colors would show through. I knew if I waited until my son graduated I would only be 45 and maybe that’s just the way it should be. Then in 2011 I met my husband. I thank God that I did meet him because I was losing hope in having a happy full family.Are path to our happy life now was not an easy path of bliss. My husband  had suffered through a hard divorce and was  not ready to sign up for marriage and family again in the beginning. We separated for about a year and a half and kept in contact and even went out together from time to time. But timing was not right. By summer or 2013 he was ready to move forward. I was now skeptical of him being able to truly stick and be my sons father and be a devoted husband. But he proved to me that he was indeed ready and that my son and I were what made him most happy and filled him with joy and love. We got engaged New Years Eve 2013 and we planned a wedding in just three months time. I am so happy that I have had my unique path. I have learned so much. One thing that was a big lesson in the beginning of going from single woman to single mother was all the friendships that came to a halt. So many that I thought were my friends were gone once I was with child. I had a few great ones who truly went out of their way to be a good friend no matter how little time I had and how little energy I had. I thank God for these wonderful true friends.

Published by 40fitmom

My Name is Jennifer .I was born and raised in California.I am the proud mother of two incredible children Brandon and Savannah.I enjoy trying new things,Outdoor adventures,new recipes, and travel, just to name a few.I hope to encourage others to try new things! I strive to learn as much as possible. I am on a journey to be my best self. Working out more drinking half my body weight in water. Meditating and journaling to find inner peace. I am working on my self esteem and have lots of goals I’m working towards. I cherish my family and friends and never take a single moment for granted.

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