Well I called doctors this morning and missed their call while my daughter was upset over lunch. Called back got voicemail have not heard back. I have been stressing out since I saw my result records on Saturday not knowing how to read them and I am not feeling good can’t relax. Have been dealing with a lot since my daughter fell ill Friday and now she’s on the mend but still a little cranky on and off and she has a rash due to medication that doctor  said is no big deal and will go away once she is done with it. Met my friend from out-of-town for lunch but Savannah wasn’t  doing well so Jeff had to leave with her and I had to have their  food boxed up which drives me nuts. But I am happy I got to visit with Cheryl  I just hate the situation. I am beyond stressed and I won’t relax until I know my results. I need to leave her home with my husband tonight so I can still see our sons basketball game and that’s frustrating I want us all to see the game. I feel physically and emotionally exhausted and know I need to be on the safe side and keep her home with me tomorrow and possibly Thursday and Friday. That means no break for me which I desperately  need no getting things done that our on our calendar and I am in knots all over I feel like I’ve been used as a human piñata. I need to somehow get relaxed because this is not good for me. I truly feel like I am going to faint I was literally in misery last night in pain filled with anxiety and head pounding. I hope they call me back today and that I don’t miss the call. I cannot go another night wondering and not knowing what is going on. I hated seeing my little one not feeling well I am glad she is on the mend but I want her back to 100% and I hope once she is she doesn’t  catch anything from another kid. I feel like I am never going to have  a time when I can just know I can run errands workout  and stuff at home won’t prevent  me from being able to do this. I have not been healthy for over 3 years I have not been in good shape for 3 years and I am scared about my health. I should not be having all the symptoms I am and being unable to lose weight when I am eating pretty healthy 80 percent of the time or more and yes we eat out and I have some junk food the other 20% of the time. I feel like I am in a hole I can’t  get out of and I want to look forward to things and I wanted to buy a spin bike for home the other day and that did not pan out. I feel like if I don’t have something that convenient  I just won’t get in the cardio I need and right now I need it everyday not just when I am able to take her to daycare  the 2-3 days a week. I have so much that needs to be done on those days that even then I don’t always get in the workouts I should. It makes me feel like I am failing myself and not juggling things as good as I should. I feel like I did much better juggling work, raising my son and keeping fit and just life in general and I should have an easier time now as I am able to be home and am married but I am older and it actually seems much harder to keep all my ducks in a row. I am 132-136 pounds fluctuate  during the month. I was heavy for my size when I was 118 back in fall of 2013. I have seriously let myself go and I feel horrible about the way I look and I feel fatigued I get night sweats I have had dizziness recently and I really want my thyroid and blood results I am so beyond frustrated. I want answers so I can  find an answer of what must be done by me to become more healthy and happy again. If I cannot get the answers soon and get on the path to feeling normal I know this is going to drag me down into a deep depression. I don’t want that and I certainly don’t have time to not have the energy and health I need to be a good mom to my kids and good wife to my husband. I am sick of all this stuff with my health and body not making sense. I need answers. I pray that I actually get the answers today.

Published by 40fitmom

My Name is Jennifer .I was born and raised in California.I am the proud mother of two incredible children Brandon and Savannah.I enjoy trying new things,Outdoor adventures,new recipes, and travel, just to name a few.I hope to encourage others to try new things! I strive to learn as much as possible. I am on a journey to be my best self. Working out more drinking half my body weight in water. Meditating and journaling to find inner peace. I am working on my self esteem and have lots of goals I’m working towards. I cherish my family and friends and never take a single moment for granted.

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