In the last five years my body has changed quite a bit. The first changes I noticed in fall of 2013 I was working a lot and started gaining weight. It hit 118 which at the time was super heavy for me 113 was heaviest I’d ever been other than during my pregnancy. Then I got engaged and really didn’t pay attention to the scale until right before honeymoon everything fit right and I felt I had ballooned out. I was 136 pounds during that time in 2014. I never got lower than 130 and then November of 2014 we found out we were pregnant with my daughter. So I clearly gained weight as I should would with my pregnancy.
I noticed my thighs, butt and boobs doubling in size during pregnancy. I assumed I would drop all weight after I gave birth. My first pregnancy I weighed 142 on delivery day and when I came home from hospital a week later weighed 118 and only had ten pounds to lose which I lost fairly quick.
This time I was older and actually gained 20 pounds in water weight at hospital after my c section they said I had edema. I assumed though once home and breastfeeding I’d start losing.
I did lose that extra tenth of water in a couple of weeks but then was stuck in 140s and when I did get to 130s it was mid and high and rarely under 132.
Ive been exercising and watching what I eat wearing a waist trainer but still weigh between 135-140. I am not very tall and my build I would say is petite but I feel my body structure has changed.
I have belly fat and weak abs but also arm flab back flab and neck and chin fat even. I want to be happy with my body and feel good about myself but I really don’t right now. I feel depressed knowing what I once was and it makes my weight loss struggle and when I feel pain and weakness during workouts deeply affect my mood and self esteem.
I want to set a great example for my kids and I want to work hard to become stronger inside and out I want to be healthy and live a very long happy healthy life .
Its definitely showing me that I have a lot of internal work to do on myself as well so I know my self worth well beyond my outward appearance.
I know I need to get to the point where I am working out everyday. Set fitness goals and work hard to achieve them.
I want my husband to be attracted to me and be proud to call me his wife . I get worried as I see my body change will he still look at me the same he did when we first fell in love 😍
Right now I know I am comparing myself to my younger self not to any other person but I need to be easier on myself and just work hard to tone my body and get more flexibility back as well. I need to stick to a routine so I do not skip meals or workouts.
I will catalog my journey thanks for reading wish me luck 🙏