Body Image

In the last five years my body has changed quite a bit. The first changes I noticed in fall of 2013 I was working a lot and started gaining weight. It hit 118 which at the time was super heavy for me 113 was heaviest I’d ever been other than during my pregnancy. Then I got engaged and really didn’t pay attention to the scale until right before  honeymoon everything fit right and I felt I had ballooned out. I was 136 pounds during that time in 2014. I never got lower than 130 and then November of 2014 we found out we were pregnant with my daughter. So I clearly gained weight as I should would with my pregnancy.

I noticed my thighs, butt and boobs doubling in size during pregnancy. I assumed I would drop all weight after I gave birth. My first pregnancy I weighed 142 on delivery day and when I came home from hospital a week later weighed 118 and only had ten pounds to lose which I lost fairly quick.

This time I was older and actually gained 20 pounds in water weight at hospital after my c section they said I had edema. I assumed though once home and breastfeeding I’d start losing.

I did lose that extra tenth of water in a couple of weeks but then was stuck in 140s and when I did get to 130s it was mid and high and rarely under 132.

Ive been exercising and watching what I eat wearing a waist trainer but still weigh between 135-140. I am not very tall and my build I would say is petite but I feel my body structure has changed.

I have belly fat and weak abs but also arm flab back flab and neck and chin fat even. I want to be happy with my body and feel good about myself but I really don’t right now. I feel depressed knowing what I once was and it makes my weight loss struggle and when I feel pain and weakness during workouts deeply affect my mood and self esteem.

I want to set a great example for my kids and I want to work hard to become stronger inside and out I want to be healthy and live a very long happy healthy life .

Its definitely showing me that I have a lot of internal work to do on myself as well so I know my self worth well beyond my outward appearance.

I know I need to get to the point where I am working out everyday. Set fitness goals and work hard to achieve them.

I want my husband to be attracted to me and be proud to call me his wife . I get worried as I see my body change will he still look at me the same he did when we first fell in love 😍

Right now I know I am comparing myself to my younger self not to any other person but I need to be easier on myself and just work hard to tone my body and get more flexibility back as well. I need to stick to a routine so I do not skip meals or workouts.

I will catalog my journey thanks for reading wish me luck 🙏

Published by 40fitmom

My Name is Jennifer .I was born and raised in California.I am the proud mother of two incredible children Brandon and Savannah.I enjoy trying new things,Outdoor adventures,new recipes, and travel, just to name a few.I hope to encourage others to try new things! I strive to learn as much as possible. I am on a journey to be my best self. Working out more drinking half my body weight in water. Meditating and journaling to find inner peace. I am working on my self esteem and have lots of goals I’m working towards. I cherish my family and friends and never take a single moment for granted.

2 thoughts on “Body Image

  1. Thank you for sharing. Body image is real. We look at ourselves in a way that is usually skewed, but it is a reality. I am certain that your husband STILL see’s you with nothing but love in his eyes. What I encourage you to do is, love yourself! You are an amazing wide and mother and your family adores you! You have to make sure you can love yourself also!! BE confident in who you are, and if you want to make changes in your appearance, then do it because you want to healthy and not just because you don’t like the way you look. I have found that health has much more motivating power for change because it takes the focus off of the scale and the mirror. You can do anything you put your heart into!!

    Liked by 1 person

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