So Hard to Say Goodbye 

So I’ve already let go of items at our main house before our move and I spring clean more than once a year. But my body and weight have changed a lot since I got married and had my second child. 

I had a bunch of stuff up in June Lake where we spend summers and winter break because we lived there first when we got married. I decided to go through treasured items in closet and drawers tonight knowing probably none of it will ever fit again and I have to finally face the facts. 

It was gut wrenching I have treasured beauties in perfect condition from over 20 years ago and I had to finally let them go. Let go the dream of me ever having the phenomenal figure I once had. 

I will give items to my niece and my best friends daughter whatever they like and that at least gives me some joy. But I get depressed knowing I will never be the girl I once was. I need to know I’ve grown into a woman and no longer should need any of that. 

I think since my self esteem was made up of mostly being a good dancer or in competition and in my looks this is my problem. Nearly 38 years old and not very confident in myself very low self esteem.

It’s something I’ve been struggling with all my life and still working on it. I don’t always feel valuable or worthwhile or loved. I feel disposable to others and fear not being loved. 

I am working on myself inside and out and I need to love me for who I am today nor who I once was. Because I’ve learned slot ans grown a lot in twenty years not just physically but emotionally and mentally. 

I want to have self esteem in abundance and not in drought. Well here’s hoping I don’t have any panic attack or nightmares tonight. 

Published by 40fitmom

My Name is Jennifer .I was born and raised in California.I am the proud mother of two incredible children Brandon and Savannah.I enjoy trying new things,Outdoor adventures,new recipes, and travel, just to name a few.I hope to encourage others to try new things! I strive to learn as much as possible. I am on a journey to be my best self. Working out more drinking half my body weight in water. Meditating and journaling to find inner peace. I am working on my self esteem and have lots of goals I’m working towards. I cherish my family and friends and never take a single moment for granted.

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