Cracks and Scars 

My insides feel exposed and raw and I feel unprotected and scared. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself. I had so many goals and dreams and such a positive happy demeanor. 

I once had confidence and felt good about myself . I battle depression and sadness and am insecure about opening up and letting people in. 

Right now I strive to get back to the strong woman I once was even stronger. I love and adore my family and I am proud to be a mom my kids are so great and I want to help them become strong confident intelligent independent people who are caring and love deeply. 

I want to keep working on myself and rebuilding my confidence and self esteem. I miss so much having a social life. Traveling, having passion in all aspects of life living every second to its fullest. 

I am thankful for those who notice my hard work and tell me they see a difference in my body I am so far off from my goal but encouragement and kind motivation helps so much. 

Seeing my kids excel and learn and soar brightens up my life their love makes me feel so blessed and lucky. I want to spend my time with people who are positive and who build me up not try to tear me down. 

When I was younger I had quite the social life but I have wounds that are deep from friends who truly hurt me and that makes it hard to trust. My heart is clearly strong I’ve been through lots of heartbreaks and come back stronger but when your such a devoted loving loyal trusting person it’s easy to do all the giving and not get that same love, friendship, loyalty from others. 

I pray every day and night that I can heal myself and start loving myself again as happiness starts with how you treat yourself because when you truly love and respect yourself you won’t allow others to disrespect you or hurt you. 

I have a lot to be thankful for and I have so much to live for. Sometimes you just need a hug and encouraging word and appreciation. I’ve  lost family memebers that went to be with the lord and I miss them everyday and I am scared of losing my aunt but just wish I had someone to talk to and has more emotional support during her fight with cancer which I hope and pray she wins. 

My daughter and son are nine years apart but love each other so deeply. I’m so glad and I hope that continues forever. I literally am uncomfortable even writing openly like I used to sometimes I feel like I am scared to show my emotions. I need to strengthen myself and know how vaulunle I am and that I am great and need to be me and open and not hide. 

I am hoping that my marriage will grow and strengthen and that what’s missing will all come into place it’s always hard on relationships when there is distance and your not under the sane roof . 

I need to get to sleep without help from sleep aids. I need to continue to work everyday and make sure my kids feel loved and aupported I want them to always feel they can tell me anything. 

Not looking forward to my birthday this year. Not sure if it’s just being older or just that it’s lost its greatness. 

I need to get some sleep that is an important aspect of mental and emotional and physical wellness I need proper sleep each night. 

Thank you for reading God Bless and goodnight to everyone 🏡🙏🌻😴😘

Published by 40fitmom

My Name is Jennifer .I was born and raised in California.I am the proud mother of two incredible children Brandon and Savannah.I enjoy trying new things,Outdoor adventures,new recipes, and travel, just to name a few.I hope to encourage others to try new things! I strive to learn as much as possible. I am on a journey to be my best self. Working out more drinking half my body weight in water. Meditating and journaling to find inner peace. I am working on my self esteem and have lots of goals I’m working towards. I cherish my family and friends and never take a single moment for granted.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: