Today was a very stressful day not one of those easy Sunday’s. I didn’t get much sleep last night I woke up with my nose and theist bugging me.
My kiddos were a handful today but my son got his homework done and I hope he’s prepared for tomorrow and his week ahead. My daughter wouldn’t nap and was way cranky because of it.
I am beyond drained I took a two hour muscle soak which helped relax me but my throats and nose are still bugging me. My kids enjoyed the Chili I made for us and I gave plenty for tomorrow.
My son has his first junior high football game tomorrow it’s an away game. I hope he does well and his team brings home a win. I am bringing snacks for my daughters classroom tomorrow.
My son did his first voulenteer hours today he will be doing next two Sunday’s as well at church. We also have two runs next two Saturday’s. Possibly some at church this coming Thursday night as well.
I have Pure Empower tomorrow hope I do well even though I don’t feel 100% My floors need a deep cleaning and I need to take my car in to get repaired since someone ran into my car while I was shopping at Target last week.
I need to also make our dental appointments for me and the kids. I need to get my immune system built back up I feel run down. I don’t want to let my kids and husbands lives take over mine and make me feel bogged down and stressed.
I know as a mom I need time for me and I need to take care of me first in order to be the best wife and mother I can be. I am really hard on myself and I want to make sure I am doing better than just a good job for my kids and for my husband.
I feel so invested in them and feel so alone without a support system. I don’t want to feel that way. I guess when you live your life feeling less than it’s hard to feel stable and strong and supported.
I want to see my kids blossom and I can’t make them have the Drive the maturity organization or cleanliness or work ethic that you have and or want for them.
I need strength to find balance in my life and love everyone for who they are and not worry about what ifs as much. I had only myself to rely on for most of my childhood and majority of my 38 years.
So I think my son sees me caring and trying to help and bring strict as intrusive. I would have given anything for my parents to care as much about my education and happiness as I care for his and his sisters.
I don’t want to hover I want to find balance. My son is incredibly intelligent and has so much going for him and he doesn’t see all the potential I see in him. He has big dreams and he by all means can achieve them all but it takes hard work and I am trying to push him to do the hard work to achieve those goals and dreams.
I have strength because I had to be self reliant but that’s also wear u always struggle to feel good enough. Why wasn’t I enough for them to be there for me. Why am I a person people find unworthy of their time love nurturing.
When you have never had someone have your back no matter what it makes you feel on the defensive and hurt much easier in relationships.
My job is to make sure my kids feel safe secure loved and backed up always. I need a safe haven I need to have a protector and that’s why I pray my faith will see me through all life’s problems and obstacles.
I want to grow and flourish and I want that for my kids I never want to let my light go dark or theirs. I feel like my bright light has definitely dimmed and it’s time to let it shine again. I am working on building my self esteem and confidence in myself.