February 27, 2018

I am having a good day today. My daughter woke me up a little early this morning ugh but she used the potty right away like a big girl. I got breakfast made for the kiddos and got myself ready. Once I got Savannah ready we left a little later than I like.

But we were on time I do always think its funny how when your in a rush you hit every red light have more traffic etc. So you just have to roll with it. Both my kids were in a great mood which is always good way to start the day.

When I took Savannah to school she cracked me up but made me proud because as I was signing her in she was dropping her pants lol but it was to let me know to take her to the potty and I did and she went again. Big girl but too funny 🙂 I stayed for quite awhile hang out with her outside chatted with her friends Dad for awhile about his sons Birthday weekend etc. Then I went to pay for our Early registration for the fall.

It was nice to see a few of the parents chat catch up before leaving. I went home had a quick bite and talked to my husband on the phone to see when he’s heading home today. Then I headed to Pure Barre. It was a great class another full one today. I am happy that so many people for months have been complimented on my body changes.

I am certainly not close to my old size but I am embracing my new older self. I no longer care to be back into a 0 or size 2. When I was younger I looked great but I didn’t have much muscle at all I was toned and thin and healthy but now my body has really changed.

I am larger but I am also more muscular. Since I started my health and fitness journey last year I’ve lost weight but also gained a lot of muscle so I can’t go by my old size and weight from my past.

I am close to 40 and I am happy to be at a size 4 if I fit in a Size 2 great but I am building strength and lean muscle. My arms look great and my butt, thighs and legs are nice I am much curvier than I was in my youth even my bust has increased with having children.

I am going to be working on my mid section for awhile before I get to a flat toned tummy. I do want to get under 130 and currently 134. Before I got married my heavy weight was 118.

I gained a lot of weight went up to about what I weigh now when we moved to June Lake. Then I got pregnant and I’ve never been under 130 ever since.

I have definitely noticed how much harder it is to get rid of stomach fat as well as underarm flab around my armpit and breasts.

I am doing a good job of getting my workouts in both at Pure Barre and using Our Peloton. I love food so much that I don’t completely cut out carbs and sweets and that’s why I know I have to workout all week and hard.

But I do eat lots of protein and veggies and have been great at drinking a lot of water during the day.

The last two years I’ve also noticed that I do get loose skin or wrinkles and I am starting to try Night creams. I have been hearing so much about how side sleeping is bad for you creating deep wrinkles in neck and chest but it’s how I sleep so oh well.

After Pure Barre I went and got my morning coffee. I bought Ms Leslie a Starbucks card since it was her birthday 🎂 today and dropped it off at the school on my way home.

I haven’t seen any new grades added on my sons gradelink and I am hoping for all good grades and a GPA bump. I am so ready for my husband to be home and have some date nights.

I need to get on my Peloton before I pick my son up today. So I had a great Peloton workout but I attempted to do it live on IG and 60 seconds in the phone fell and kept recording only my feet for the whole class lol. I wasn’t going to detach my feet and stop my workout go grab it so I guess everyone who clicked to watch knows I am not good at filming live.

I went to pick up my son and it was windy outside I was hoping the wind was done ugh. When I went to pick up my daughter she jumped on the potty and went again and I found out she went two other times after I left today.

I put dinner in the oven and jumped in the bath to shave and do my hair and clean the sweat off me from my workouts.

I am so happy that my husband is on his way home. I messaged a few of our friends to find out if they are available any of the next few Sundays. It’s been too long since we’ve got together with our friends.

Well dinner was good and now I am taking a minute to blog while my kiddos finish eating and watch Minions with them.

Hope everyone has a goodnight 😴🏡🙏

Advertisements

February 26, 2018

So this morning my son was up on time and I was up way  before my little one was up I was able to get fully ready before she was up cook her breakfast. Once she was up she got up and went potty right away which is awesome loving that her potty training is going so well now.

Then she leisurely had breakfast so I ended up taking her in her pajamas when we took my son to school. Then when we got home I let her get on the potty again then got her call cleaned up for school group picture day got her uniform on and did her hair.

Then when we got to school I dropped off 30 muffins and a gallon of milk for the kids snack time today. Took her outside and she was a little bummed for me to leave. I went got the picture day money dropped that off to her teacher and then gave Savannah a hug and kiss and she was ok with me leaving this time.

Unfortunately  it was too late for me to make the 8:30am class so I went home had some time to waste had a little breakfast and then later on headed to Pure Barre for the 9:45am class. The class was beyond packed today and a great class.

I went to get a coffee and I then headed to get my dry cleaning and get my gas tank filled up. Thankfully the weather is better not warm yet but not windy. So I need to get all my cleaning done today Hoping to see good grades when my sons grade link updates there are so many looming from last two weeks and a few more tests this week before report cards come out.

I got to catch up on the phone with my friend its been too long we are due for a lunch or coffee day. I am hoping my sweet girl is having a great day at school! I am going to make Lasagna and Garlic bread tonight for dinner. Kids always love that and I enjoy it too so should be a good pick for tonight.

Hope everyone is having a great Monday !

😊🏡❤️

Sunday Sunday !

Woke up from another horrible nightmare early this morning and got my kiddos ready gave them waffles, sausage and fruit for breakfast. Then I got myself dressed and ready and started some cleaning. I got the Birthday gift all set and put in the car for Sierra’s Birthday party.

Then I got my daughter dressed after she went pee pee on the potty she has been doing great with her potty training at home. I am hoping that she is completely done soon! We went to the Park at 9:00 am for Sierra’s 3rd Birthday Party. It was great fun and so nice for Savannah to have her friends to play with.

They loved the Dinasaurs and Savannah was ready for action she wasn’t really into the donuts or any food until near the end of the party. She was running, swinging, climbing, sliding and having fun both on her own and with friends. I am thankful I had my son there with me to help out. He is so great with her. I love talking with the parents but get sick of having to explain that my husband is out of town for work.

Makes me feel all alone when everyone else is with their husband and I am just me and the kids. Its very different  than when It was just me and my son it didn’t bother me as much then even though of course I longed to have a partner to share my life with and to come with me.

I guess my lot in life is to be on my own at these events. I know my husband  has to work and he doesn’t  want to live where he works so we have to deal with him being gone. I was happy he got his Real Estate License and was hoping he’d  get his brokers soon after and start working down here in Real Estate or at least during the school year stay here and work and be with us.

Our daughter I was told last week has had a couple of bad days of behavior saying No even spit on one of the teachers  and asked everyone to leave her alone and get away. I hate hearing she was so out of sorts and that she was angry because it must come from sadness or frustration on her part that she doesn’t know how to deal with.

As a mom anything that makes your child hurt really hurts you double. She had a wonderful weekend and wasn’t happy about having to leave the Get Air yesterday and had a minor meltdown at end of Sierra’s Party. I know she is trying to express herself more and calmly and less outbursts and fits.

I talked to my son yesterday and told him its on all of us to watch our behavior, words, tone etc to teach her. If she hears us raising our voice, saying unkind words or not having control of our emotions or tempers she is more likely to emulate what she is seeing around her. Obviously she’s two and sometimes no matter how calm, cool and collected kind and patient you are as a parent and sibling the two year old is going to have a meltdown. But I am hoping we can keep it to a minimum and not have anymore issues at school.

I try and prepare as much as possible for my week to make things easier on myself and not feel too overwhelmed. Ive been planning out my weekly menu before grocery trip so I can be prepared have all items I need for each meal.

I also have been setting out all my daughters clothes for the week and all my workout clothes the night before. I am hoping I don’t miss my two favorite days of Pure Barre this week her two picture days are Monday & Wednesday and those days my favorite instructor teaches in the mornings.

I am pretty sure I will have to miss Wednesday unless I can make her late class before lunch. Monday my daughter has the group  picture and I am hoping to make it to one of the earlier classes. My son has all these assignments and quizzes and tests this week and then its end  of the trimester and report cards will come out. He is currently on B Honor Roll I am hoping he stays there and doesn’t drop below I don’t think he has the opportunity to make it to A Honor roll this Trimester as its over this coming week.

I need to make sure I workout everyday this week. No matter what my schedule is like no matter how bad my cramps are I need to workout and I need to eat well. I have to get the kids new shoes they are both outgrowing their  current shoes.

I am hoping I can have some of the parents over soon for dinner at our home. I also would really like a chance in the near future to have a night out with friends I never do this. I would enjoy even lunch or coffee time with a friend.

Today we did not make it to church so Id like us to read from the bible tonight after dinner before the kids start getting ready for bed. Savannah has been wanting me to paint her nails so if she is up for it tonight I will after dinner while she is still in her high chair so it can dry while she watches a show before bath time.

I really need to keep myself organized. Prepared and well rested  and well fed so I can have fuel to get me through the days and am able to be better at being relaxed calm and not stressing my kids out. I need to work on taking things in stride and going with the flow and not getting anxiety, anger or sadness over small things have more faith in myself.

Yesterday my daughter took a very short nap. So I am wondering if she will take a full nap like she needs today or wake up early again. I would like her to be in a happy easy mood when we go run errands when she wakes up. Id also like to be able to get errands done in time for her to still play outside before dinner.

I feel very cold today  my hands my face are just very cold to the touch. I miss my husband. I am hoping that its not his being away so much that is causing Savannah’s issues at school because then it will be harder to get in check. I am hoping she is just learning or needing to learn ways that are healthier to express her emotions and feelings and that the calmer and more relaxed I can stay the better she will be.

Well she woke up way early but I am happy still because it was to go potty. She is really doing fantastic with potty training and I am so proud of her. I was able to get my errands done get money out for her school pictures and Brandon’s lunch money and got all my groceries and the snack and drinks for her school snack for everyone tomorrow.

Then we played outside for awhile and got a chance to talk to my hubby who we all miss a lot. Although I couldn’t get Savannah to slow down for long to say hello. We had our dinner I finished laundry and got me and my little one bathed and dressed for bed. She used the potty again twice.

We have been watching Little Einstiens one of her favorite shows. My son is studying and I hope he pulls off the grades he needs this week to earn all his stuff back when report comes out. My cramps are finally subsiding which is so nice.

I am hoping tomorrow goes smoothly so I can workout still after dropping the kids off and I am hoping somehow that I can workout on Wednesday too even though that picture day I want to be there for. I had good talks with the kids today about moods, tones, feelings and when we prayed we have asked that we all do better in our actions to one another and to ourselves.

Self talk is also very important when we put ourselves down or talk badly even just in our heads to ourselves its so damaging. I am working everyday to be better to myself and to also be a better example to my children. I don’t want to yell or raise my voice or say things I later regret because I did not keep my cool. Stress is not an excuse nor is saying something back in anger when you have been disrespected or talked badly to. I want my kids to take the high road and I will lead by example.

I can learn to correct bad traits and behaviors I learned growing up and throughout my adult life so that my kids can have the healthiest best example of  a parent. Wow tonight is a busy night for my Tivo. I definitely don’t have it in me to stay up to watch the shows tonight so I will need to catch up on them this week.

We face-timed with my Dad and  we tried to reach my husband so the kids could face-time before bedtime. But we weren’t able to reach him he must be really busy with the motel.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend!

Saturday February 24,2018

Well this day has been fun filled so far! We got up early had a nice breakfast and then got ready for my daughters Pretend, Dance and Play class which she absolutely loves. We will sign her up again this week for March. Then we raced over to Get Air for her buddies 3rd Birthday Party.

It was a lot of fun all those kids had a blast and they all have so much energy. We spent about two hours there and they got to play for nearly the whole time then Pizza and Cupcakes.

Afterwards I needed a Coffee so I took us through the Starbucks Drive-thru so my son and I could get our Frappachino’s. Then I could tell my little one was getting tired so got her home changed her out of her dance clothes and got her down for a nap.

I started having the worse cramps so I had to take some Midol. Ugh I wish I had already gone through the change and no longer had my monthly period. Anyways I decided to return texts and a couple of phone calls while watching “Maid of Honor” great movie.

When my little one woke up it was time to have some fun outside since its finally not windy. Bubbles and bike and basketball was what we did while we were goofing off outside. Then we decided to make some popcorn and watch “Lady and The Tramp” a new favorite of Savannah and one of my favorites.

Ive been getting all the boring stuff done like laundry and dishes and vacuuming while the kids continue to play. Savannah is big into Dinosaurs now so we played that for awhile as well Yesterday I got her room all organized again. Its definitely time to go through her clothes and she’s out growing her shoes as well.

Omg she is growing up so fast. Well it was nice talking to all the other kiddos parents I was one of the only moms their that came without her husband but I got a chance to visit with everyone and meet Savannah’s friends parents. Its cute to hear from all the boys parents that they adore  her and  talk about her all the time.

Plus it was nice that a couple of them had let me know their kiddos have had behavior issues as well at school so she’s not alone. But I was so bummed and embarrassed when MS Kimberly told me Savannah actually spit full on spit when she was upset. Something I don’t ever want her to do again.

Thinking tonight me and the kiddos should bake some yummy treats and make a fort and be silly. Tomorrow we have another Birthday. I’m bummed I miss a chance to see my friend Jenay and get beauty stuff done today. But my little one was napping during the time it was going on.

I have been making a list  to see little by little how we can get things we need to complete home decor inside of our home is looking great we are pretty much done its mainly the outside both back and front yards that we need to do some renovations on.

My back has been killing me today not sure what I did to it. No Pure Barre today or Peloton but I am thinking I might be able to get a Peloton ride in tonight when my daughter goes to sleep if I am not too tired.

Next week is going to be a very busy week too. My sons last week before grades are recorded for latest report card. My daughters early enrollment paperwork and money is due for next fall. She also has Spring portraits as well. I am ready  to take her to Disneyland she needs a Disney day with mama.

March is almost upon us and my husband and I haven’t planned an Anniversary trip yet. I was hoping we could go back to Sandals we had such an amazing trip when we went last. I also need to check and see when the kids have their  spring break days off not sure if they have different weeks off or the same.

I haven’t watched “Almost Famous” in so long love this movie. I remember seeing it in the theater when I was in Salt Lake City, Utah doing my Flight Attendant Training. The soundtrack is so good. So made the kids some dinner I am not hungry yet but I am also making Semi Sweet Chocolate Chip Cookies and Chocolate Chip and Walnut Cookies.

I wish my skin wouldn’t break out each month during my cycle ugh I feel like I’m a teenager and Im nearly 40 geez I shouldnt be dealing with acne anymore. Its been baby season lots of the moms just had babies or about to have babies makes me miss my kiddos being at that stage. But they are a handful and two is plenty I am blessed.

I am very much looking forward to being out of the diaper stage forever. My daughter is closer to being fully potty trained and that will make traveling and so much more easier for all of us. Looking forward to a lot of travel with the kids I want them to see the world.

I am so lucky that my son is so caring and loving and playful with his little sister. He is the best big brother ever! I am thinking tomorrow it would be fun to let my little one do some painting outside and she so wants to go in the pool but its way too cold so it will be mermaid playtime in the bath tonight.

I still have laundry to finish and  the dishes are done. I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning so that will have to be on Monday.  I am thankful that my son helps out when he can with his sister he will play with her watch movies with her so I can get things done around the house or if I just need a little break.

I am thinking I need to make a healthy salad for myself for dinner. I should also make some hard boiled eggs for us all to have to snack on plus I love  them on my salads. I am so ready for the warm weather to be back again pool weather.

Well I have so much to do hope everyone had a phenomenal day!

Mom life

So after spending today getting my spirits up after long couple of months battling my son grades and getting him on track. I was feeling pretty good 😊

But life knocked me on my ass today I went to pick up my daughter at 4:00pm and I talked to her teacher and I was completely deflated torn to shreds felt sad and disappointed in the situation and questioning what I could be doing better in my end.

Savannah was wonderful with me and my son ate well played well went potty for me twice before bedtime. I deck my aaa doing all I can to put my kids first.

They mean everything to me.I am sure it was just a fluke a couple of days of terrible two behavior but it bothers me when I feel my job as a mother or our household is questioned.

I am trying to unwind with a detox soak in the tub and facial mask. We love her school and they all love her so maybe I need to just enjoy my night before bed.

But considering how I set my schedule around my kids dance class and two birthday parties just for her alone this weekend she’s far from ignored. Yes she misses her dad when he’s away but she is used to him being away a lot for work.

I doubt she likes it but it’s what pays the bills so it’s not changing anytime soon. I would love it if we had my husband home all the time but it is what it is. This week might have been worse because he left for home and had to leave the very next day.

My son is thankfully at B honors which is the lowered he’s been so that’s not bad. I’m hoping he improves to A honors or gold leaf next report card.

I’d love to take time for me but Monday to Friday I can only do my classes at 8:30 or 9:45 that’s all that’s offered while kids are in school and if I bring her later to school that messed we th me getting to exercise which other than baths is my only me time .

I deserve to workout and I deserve to have some stress free time that’s not just cleaning running errands and cooking.

I need my workouts and baths and an occasional coffee or lunch date with a friend to keep me sane

. I still need to get the birthday gifts packaged up cards signed before I can relax and go to sleep. I am so deplete. This weather has sucked all week I like to let Savannah outside but been too cold and windy so I’m sure her not playing her energy out enough plays into her moods.

Well sorry for venting but I needed it so thank you for enduring it. More positive vibes from now on.😊🏡🙏

February 23, 2018

This morning I woke myself up from a scary dream it’s nice when your actually able to do that and not continue the bad dream.

My daughter slept in my son was up getting ready. We got out of the house even a little early and I dropped my son off first then my daughter. I am hoping they are both having a great day today.

It’s very cold and windy today but I got myself to my 8:30am Pure Empower class. It was a wonderful workout by Mandy.

It was nice to see happy smiling faces in class and I was getting killed but in a good way.

I stopped by Starbucks and got myself a Grande Mocha Frappuccino with and extra shot. I was given the grade breakdown. For honors and gold leaf this morning.

It seems my son has never been below honors even at his worst GPA so it seems I well both my husband and I have been overly hard on Brandon. Also since the way they grade at his school is so much harder he-would essentially be doing twice as good in a regular school as far as GPA.

I’m glad he’s doing well! I’m glad I am hard on him I want to push him to be his absolute best and make sure he has prepared himself to handle anything that comes his way in life and achieve all his goals and dreams.

My kids make me want to do better be stronger work harder push myself to the limits everyday. I am so grateful to have them they are my whole heart and I want to make them proud.

I’m watching Eat Pray Love ❤️ I have not watched this in such a long time. I have been craving travel and adventure so much lately.

My husband has been out of town a lot unfortunately but I enjoy my time with my kids. They are growing up so fast my son is taller than me over s 100 pounds now and nearly a size 10 in shoes.

I want to go back to Italy 🇮🇹 it’s been way too long and my husband has never been. I hope we get a chance to take a couple more adult trips together before too long. I know my parents are getting older and it’s harder on them to watch the kids while we’re away.

I enjoy quiet time on my own and I need it to get myself centered and relaxed in my busy hectic schedule. I hope my children always feel loved and cherished and safe.

I want my kids to see me push myself and go after goals. I don’t want them see me be lazy or give up I want them to see me give my all and even if I don’t quite meet my goals see that I tried my best and never gave up.

I want to explore myself again I want to pay attention to my needs and desires fulfill them go after new goals so my life is full beyond being a mother and wife.

That is most important to me but it’s extremely important I don’t lose myself in it. I am so much more than my children’s mother and my husbands wife.

I am constantly striving to strengthen myself both inside and out. I miss practicing Yoga 🧘‍♀️ id like to start doing it every week again.

It’s amazing to be nearly 40 years old and knowing I still have so much to grow and learn. I want my children to enjoy every phase of their life of their growth and challenges happy and sad times.

Everything in my life has made me who I am today all the hurts, struggles, sadness, obstacles and hardships have strengthened me and shaped me just as the joys, the love the happiness and excitement of my life has.

I want to show my children that it’s better to work hard than have everything handed to you. I want them to truly appreciate life and love and the people in their lives. I want them to not take a second for granted.

I have been on my own in a sense since I was a kid. I was on the outside looking in a lot. I was a loner a drifter trying to find my way and where I fit in. I want meant to fit in I know now I was always different and that’s good.

I have so many facets to my personality and at times I am extremely shy other times like being in the center of the crowd. I still work on being overly critical of myself. I hope I am not that way with my children.

I always felt like I wasn’t measuring up to what my parents envisioned and wanted me to be my whole life. I realized I needed to stop worrying about making them happy with me and me just being happy with me.

It’s exhausting to try to please everyone I still have to check myself and make sure I am taking care of me and not caring so much about pleasing others. But when you grow up being the one that gets vented too by the adults and friends you tend to be filled with not just your stress but those around you.

I don’t have anyone that asks me how I am doing or what I need at least not on a regular basis. I need more light fun laughter in my life and I so try to find ways no matter how small each day to keep me sane.

I miss my great grandparents and my Nana so much they were always so comforting and loving and I wish they got to meet my children. My nana at least got to have time with my son but she passed right before my daughter was born.

I’ve been blessed by God to have the family I have I’ve learned from them in all sorts of ways throughout the years. I have always been positive even during very dark hard times I believe in love and the good in people.

I’ve loved a lot had my heart stomped on broken, shattered but it’s always proven to be strong and resilient and comes out stronger than ever .

I have always been a giver and sometimes you can feel that it’s all give and that your being taken for granted. But I am happy being a positive light and someone who tries best to show love give love and support and be kind.

Well I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! Wish you all a fabulous weekend!😊🧘‍♀️🙏🏡

February 22, 2018

Well today my little cutie was taking awhile to get ready so I cancelled my Pure Barre class knew I wouldn’t be able to make it on time.

So when my husband got home from dropping our son off to school he went with me to drop Savannah off.

She was sad when we left 😂 But I knew she’d have a good day! Then we headed to Starbucks got coffee and an everything croissant 🥐.

I booked a Peloton live class and took it easy around the house my husband was contemplating going to June Lake to look after the business on site for awhile.

We went to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch and we enjoyed time together. Then he decided to go. He waited for me to finish my Peloton ride then we kissed before he headed on the road.

I got ready to go pick our son up from school and then took us to Target afterwards. I needed a few items.

We were quick and then we headed to pick up Savannah from school. She had a good day!

Once we got home I made us a pizza 🍕 we enjoyed Savannah’s shows then we all got cleaned up for bed.

I put Lady & The Tramp movie on for us all to watch in my bed. Brandon had to do some homework first but joined us when he was done.

I absolutely love that movie and so did the kids I hadn’t seen it in such a long time. My throat and ear are bugging me ugh I hope I don’t get sick 😷.

Busy weekend and busy day tomorrow as well! Hopefully my husband has a good work trip and comes home to us by Tuesday! I hope Everyone had a wonderful day! Goodnight 😴💤

February 21, 2018

Today has been a hard day😂 I woke up thinking it was going to be a great day! My kids were doing good got them fed and ready for school.

My daughter used the potty again successfully and that made me quite proud and happy. But it was very cold and I asked my son to wear his jacket he said he left it at school.

He did not tell me this when I asked him where it was at pick up he let me think he just didn’t wear it. So I was stressed and upset by him not being honest with me.

I’m more than stressed by his grades slipping it’s depressing me a lot and I was not being nice on they way dropping him off I said hurtful things and I feel so awful and wish o could just hug him and tell him how much I love him.

My daughter was in a great mood and very happy and was all set to be at school hugged me and said goodbye. I was looking forward to seeing my best friend and her daughter is under the weather today so she had to cancel.

I was feeling dark and low and depressed I’d put myself down for the late Pure Barre so I could meet my best friend but now had just the sadness to pay attention too.

I laid down had a couple of nightmares woke up and had a corn bread muffin took vitamins and then headed to Pure Barre.

I also contacted our pediatrician and he said we could come by at 3:30pm Brandon is at school until 3;30pm today so I will need to rush and hope he’s still there.

Thankfully class pulled me out of my sadness it was a great class and thank God for Jenay she is. Ray of light and always cheers me up.

I pray my son will always know I love him. I pray I will be a better person and better Mom everyday. Being a great mom is very important to me because I cherish my kids and being a mother is such an important job.

I know we all have our bad days I just wish I didn’t let stress and frustration be something that I can’t control my tongue and lash out at those I love most.

My son has disappointed me but I need to always have his back and make sure he knows I always have his back and am his safe haven. I don’t want to be the cause of added stress in his life.

Haven’t been able to reach my husband at all today but he should be back home tonight. I feel like lately things have been weighing on me so heavily.

I want to be stronger than I feel both inside and out. I know I will get there my children are my world and I want to be the best I can be for them and show them good examples of love, strength, and working hard to achieve goals.

I am going to get the cleaning done and get dinner prepped for tonight before I go out to pick up the kids from school.

I’m hoping that things improve with my sons grades and that his bumps are ok and not anything to worry about.

I hate feeling so alone like this not having anyone to comfort me when I am feeling sad depressed anxious and worried.

It’s something I try to take care of on my own it’s been that way most of my life that I learned to lean on myself and look inward for strength, meditate and pray workout just do what I must to get through rough times.

I don’t want that for my kids I want them to know I am their rock and they can always lean on me always count on me no matter what.

It’s an amazing feeling when you know you have that person who will always have your back and be there for you forever and always protect you and comfort you.

I long for that but as an adult I know it’s good to be my own comfort my own savior my own defender as then I am the only one who can let me down.

I want my children to have strong self worth and I want them to be kind to themselves and others and not accept bad treatment from anyone. I didn’t grow up feeling safe loved protected and valued.

I worry that I am at times showing the very traits I hated in my parents growing up. They were cruel with their words and did not build me up they did tear me down a lot and tell me everything I was lousy at.

I don’t want to do this ever to my children. My self worth was tarnished from a young age and I know I am strong I have self healed my whole life. Write in journals and read self help books listened to motivational speakers etc.

Today knowing I used mean words to my son because I was disappointed hurts me deeply because I have now inflicted a pain on him with those words that I dealt with growing up and I never want to hurt him like that words scar and I believe they are very damaging.

My skin is reacting to my stress today for sure. I am going to try to be a positive light once I pick him up I hope we get to see the doctor and that everything is ok.

I am hoping everyone is having a good week! 🙏🏡😘💙