February 21, 2018

Today has been a hard day😂 I woke up thinking it was going to be a great day! My kids were doing good got them fed and ready for school.

My daughter used the potty again successfully and that made me quite proud and happy. But it was very cold and I asked my son to wear his jacket he said he left it at school.

He did not tell me this when I asked him where it was at pick up he let me think he just didn’t wear it. So I was stressed and upset by him not being honest with me.

I’m more than stressed by his grades slipping it’s depressing me a lot and I was not being nice on they way dropping him off I said hurtful things and I feel so awful and wish o could just hug him and tell him how much I love him.

My daughter was in a great mood and very happy and was all set to be at school hugged me and said goodbye. I was looking forward to seeing my best friend and her daughter is under the weather today so she had to cancel.

I was feeling dark and low and depressed I’d put myself down for the late Pure Barre so I could meet my best friend but now had just the sadness to pay attention too.

I laid down had a couple of nightmares woke up and had a corn bread muffin took vitamins and then headed to Pure Barre.

I also contacted our pediatrician and he said we could come by at 3:30pm Brandon is at school until 3;30pm today so I will need to rush and hope he’s still there.

Thankfully class pulled me out of my sadness it was a great class and thank God for Jenay she is. Ray of light and always cheers me up.

I pray my son will always know I love him. I pray I will be a better person and better Mom everyday. Being a great mom is very important to me because I cherish my kids and being a mother is such an important job.

I know we all have our bad days I just wish I didn’t let stress and frustration be something that I can’t control my tongue and lash out at those I love most.

My son has disappointed me but I need to always have his back and make sure he knows I always have his back and am his safe haven. I don’t want to be the cause of added stress in his life.

Haven’t been able to reach my husband at all today but he should be back home tonight. I feel like lately things have been weighing on me so heavily.

I want to be stronger than I feel both inside and out. I know I will get there my children are my world and I want to be the best I can be for them and show them good examples of love, strength, and working hard to achieve goals.

I am going to get the cleaning done and get dinner prepped for tonight before I go out to pick up the kids from school.

I’m hoping that things improve with my sons grades and that his bumps are ok and not anything to worry about.

I hate feeling so alone like this not having anyone to comfort me when I am feeling sad depressed anxious and worried.

It’s something I try to take care of on my own it’s been that way most of my life that I learned to lean on myself and look inward for strength, meditate and pray workout just do what I must to get through rough times.

I don’t want that for my kids I want them to know I am their rock and they can always lean on me always count on me no matter what.

It’s an amazing feeling when you know you have that person who will always have your back and be there for you forever and always protect you and comfort you.

I long for that but as an adult I know it’s good to be my own comfort my own savior my own defender as then I am the only one who can let me down.

I want my children to have strong self worth and I want them to be kind to themselves and others and not accept bad treatment from anyone. I didn’t grow up feeling safe loved protected and valued.

I worry that I am at times showing the very traits I hated in my parents growing up. They were cruel with their words and did not build me up they did tear me down a lot and tell me everything I was lousy at.

I don’t want to do this ever to my children. My self worth was tarnished from a young age and I know I am strong I have self healed my whole life. Write in journals and read self help books listened to motivational speakers etc.

Today knowing I used mean words to my son because I was disappointed hurts me deeply because I have now inflicted a pain on him with those words that I dealt with growing up and I never want to hurt him like that words scar and I believe they are very damaging.

My skin is reacting to my stress today for sure. I am going to try to be a positive light once I pick him up I hope we get to see the doctor and that everything is ok.

I am hoping everyone is having a good week! 🙏🏡😘💙

Published by 40fitmom

My Name is Jennifer .I was born and raised in California.I am the proud mother of two incredible children Brandon and Savannah.I enjoy trying new things,Outdoor adventures,new recipes, and travel, just to name a few.I hope to encourage others to try new things! I strive to learn as much as possible. I am on a journey to be my best self. Working out more drinking half my body weight in water. Meditating and journaling to find inner peace. I am working on my self esteem and have lots of goals I’m working towards. I cherish my family and friends and never take a single moment for granted.

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