July 31, 2018

Well the last three days have been pretty good. Monday I was dealing with stomach 😷 flu. But my son was helpful and by evening I felt much better.

Today I got in a workout first thing which felt great! Got my coffee got mail sent out. Got dry cleaning picked up, gas tank filled up groceries.

Had lunch with kids then enjoyed pool time with them. It felt cooler out because it was overcast. I did many loads of laundry and a load of dishes.

Savannah’s new school back pack arrived. She was accident free today until 7:30pm she pooped her pants 😱.

We’ve been having good days positive vibes and lots of good news. I’m hopefully gonna get my hair done later this week! My husband comes home Saturday so excited about that.

I hope everyone had a great day! πŸ˜˜πŸ‘πŸ§œβ€β™€οΈπŸ™πŸ˜΄

July 28 2018

Today has been a very stressful very dark depressing day. Yesterday I got in a workout had a busy day getting items for kids.

I ran into my nephew which was a nice treat miss all my nephews and nieces haven’t seen them in so long. None of them were able to come to Savannah’s party.

My sons football practice got cut short again last night since of the ash from fires. Savannah was pretty good yesterday. But her sleeping habits have been horrible. She is keeping me up late waking up early and today she’s in the worst mood ever.

I did get her down for a nap which she desperately needs I hope that turns her mood around and our day around. But I missed my one chance to do pure barre this morning. My skin looks terrible and I feel worse than I look and I look horrible.

I am burnt out my husband is always out of town working which I so appreciate but after awhile it’s overload. I feel very depressed and alone.

Thankfully all the craziness with kids keeps me busy but I don’t have anything beyond that now. I don’t have reliable constant relationships people who text and call or see me each week.

My workouts are my only social time and me time and I don’t even get to go like I want right now. I feel like other than my wonderful kids who yes do stress me out like I’ve been now. No one would notice I was gone no one would miss me.

I can’t be strong all the time and today is clearly a day I’m feeling sad and broken. I think because my whole existence is wrapped up in my kids when their behavior is off it makes my whole being a failure as they are all I have.

Years back when I was raising Brandon on my own I still had things that made me feel like me. I was also very petite and in shape and beautiful.

With age and stress and life my body and looks have definitely gone down hill. The only time I get out is with my husband when he comes home for a few days but beyond that no time out on my own or time out with friends.

I’m over reaching out to family and friends and not having them put in any effort or very little. If I look at it like you would when you date someone and go I will wait until they call and they don’t then they just don’t care about you.

I’m sick of surface relationships I miss having everyday deep conversations and having people who truly cared for me missed me if they didn’t see me and who make time for me.

I am hoping our day will get better I know I need to plant a smile on my face and buck up and just make it through and be strong.

When I was a single parent I was getting more help my parents usually would take Brandon a weekend a month when I needed the break or a night when things were stressful.

Right now I have a partner but he’s always working out of town and my parents don’t offer anymore haven’t since I got married.

My husband doesn’t like us spending money on babysitting so I feel bad Brandon helps all he can but I can’t even take him to a movie or anything.

I’d love to take all three of us but Savannah is not a well behaved kid through a movie 🍿 theater or at practices for Brandon.

I enjoy Disney with her but because of football practice I can’t just take her during week while she’s home or go to sea world or beach or anything like that.

I’d like to have us in June lake with my husband at least for a few days. But I think in some way he’s happy we can’t be up there and enjoys the break of not having wife and kids around.

I’ve been missing him a lot. I need to try to just relax and rest while she naps and hopefully the afternoon will be way better than the first half of the day!


July 26, 2018

Today I got in a workout first thing. It was a great Empower class very hard though too.

I got a cute top they just put out today. I will be wearing that tomorrow. I got my coffee and heard my car was ready early.

Went home to get kids all situated before I got picked up to get my car. Then got call they needed to keep it at least one more night another issue.

So had lunch and pooltime with kids even though triple digits means water is not always that refreshing.

Fires in local mountains making air and sky hazy. It’s so horrible how bad it’s got and that it was an arsonist who caused it.

I enjoyed my day with kids Savannah pooped during pool time again I really don’t know how to stop this 😭 she otherwise used potty all day no accidents.

She had a very good attitude today and it was a nice day. My sons practice got cut short because of fire. So they said we’d get email to notify us if we still have practice tomorrow night.

I did not get in a Peloton workout today which is a bummer. But I will tomorrow. I have to make some Banana Nut bread tomorrow as my bananas are perfect for it now. Get some rolled oat bread made tomorrow or this weekend.

Today was long but nice to end day with watching Brandon’s baby video of when he was born. He enjoyed watching it too.

My skin is breaking out a little so wearing a face mask while taking my nightly soak. I changed the sheets on mine and Brandon’s bed today Savannah’s got changed yesterday.

I need to call tomorrow to get a hair appointment for me and the kids next week. I may need to take Savannah this weekend though since she has pictures on Monday.

I need to get Brandon sims shirts he has only two or three that fit him. He also needs a larger water container for football practice and a mouth piece that will connect to his helmet.

I want to see the new mission impossible movie 🍿 hoping to see it this weekend or early next week! I want to take kids to get air again soon.

Well I’m very tired so goodnight everyone 😘🏑😴

July 25, 2018

Well today was a pretty good day. Savannah was good behavior wise.But during nap she had accident so I cleaned her bedding.

She was using potty all day but before we left to get Brandon from football practice she pooped her pants a messy one so threw those undies away.

I had a great pure Barre workout this morning and a great peloton workout tonight. I got items mailed out. I got Charly groomed. Got car gassed up and coffee

Kids and I went in pool and had some pizza for lunch. I made boneless skinless chicken breasts and rice and green beans for dinner everyone ate well.

I’m proud of Brandon’s hard work in football practice. Savannah and I enjoyed playing dress up and dolls today so much fun.

after my long but good day! Felt good to get kids to bed and take a nice relaxing bath and watch RHNY needed to unwind.

Hope everyone had a wonderful day! πŸ˜΄πŸ™πŸ‘

July 24, 2018

Well this month has gone by so fast. We had a few great Birthday celebrations for our daughter who turned 3. First year she really understood and it was fun to watch her.

We had family and friends over for a BBQ and pool party. Did a dinner and pool night just the four of us and a two night 3 day Disney trip.

I haven’t got to Pure Barre as much as I want or done peloton as much. But I’m having fun with my kids and my daughter is at home no school for two weeks.

We had a night out with friends Friday night which was enjoyable. Saturday night my husband and I went to the movies. I think my eating habits killed me because by Sunday afternoon I was feeling horrible was puking Sunday night and feeling weak all day Monday.

Today I felt great got a Pure Barre workout in. And got my coffee and enjoying my manicure and pedicure.

My son started his nightly football practice last night. And with triple digits these boys are troopers two hours of practice and they are doing great.

my daughter has been doing great on the potty still pooping outside when we go for a swim which drives me nuts she does get out of pool but doesn’t get to a potty.

Also at tonight’s practice she was throwing fit non stop hitting, kicking yelling crying. It was exhausting and quite embarrassing for me but I had to be there until Brandon finished and had paperwork they needed me to put signatures on.

I really want to get her under control her mood swings are bad at times and it doesn’t make me feel like the best mom when she loses it especially in public. Or when I find out she’s flipping out for something small or really nothing at school.

It’s so frustrating I love that she’s strong willed but she still needs to give full respect to me her father her teachers etc.

I’m complete depleted and exhausted from her tirade. I did get a relaxing bath in once she was asleep. I still need to blow dry my hair and just reset for a new better day tomorrow.

Hope everyone is having a great week! Goodnight 😴😘